The Edge Of Glory

It’s been a while since I’ve sat with pen to paper, but with good reason. My life seems to be self-propelling with me simply holding on for the ride.

For years now I’ve been attempting to walk into that space that feels authentic to me, I have been attempting to find the woman I was always meant to be, (but hid, even from myself). Fortunately, I’ve come to discover that years of struggles have actually allowed this woman to become much stronger and more powerful than was originally intended…or perhaps that was the Universe’s plan all along, (okay I’m getting way too deep and it hurting my brain).

Life has decided to put me to the test and show me, in rapid succession, who I actually am.

Guess what . It scares the shit out of me.

All these years I thought failure and inauthentic living was the scariest thing one can imagine but truth be told actually walking into my greatness and finding my authentic self has shaken me to the core.

This is why so few venture into the weighty territory of their true greatness.

It is one thing to conceptualize being intelligent, successful, authentic and having a platform to help shift the way people think but when the actual opportunities arise can I walk into the role?

Can I do it?

The very thing that keeps me authentic, allows me to connect, (my empathy and sensitivity) is the very thing that makes it so hard to walk through the eye of this needle of fear.

All too often we find leaders of industry, those at the helm of large business acting in a narcissistic, self-involved way. Have you ever thought about that? Why is that the case?

Are these people somehow smarter, wittier or better with business concepts?

NO

I believe their ego is so large they don’t contemplate failure; they don’t concern themselves with judgement. The very thing that that makes so many of us beautiful is the very thing we allow to hold us back.

Here’s what I wasn’t prepared for,  I wasn’t ready for what happens internally when everything actually starts to line up, when the plan works.

I need to actually be the person I’ve been wishing to be and not care what others think, not care if I fail the first few times. Not care if I lose or make money while trying, not care about outcomes.

I’m poised on the edge of great things, of a world I’ve wanted…and I have knots in my stomach every. single. day.

To all of you striving for greatness, remember that the hardest part actually starts as the success comes, this is where many get lost. I need to redefine all that I am, while ensuring all the parts of myself that I like remain untarnished.

Today I am strong, tonight I may be wrapped in fear.

But regardless I promise to get up and do it again and again, until I am all that I am meant to be….

Oh Law Of Attraction You Sneaky Mother….

Be your own Role Model

Be careful what you ask for.

Can you practise what you preach when called on it?

A few months ago I sat at my home office, writing in the same law of attraction journal I’ve used to help me climb myself out of the vulnerable state I was in 4 years ago, (it’s a reallyyyyyyyyy big book) and I declared that I was done hiding.

It was time to embrace myself in all forms and let the world see my light. I wrote notions of bold marketing, social media pics where I show my strength, billboards displayed around the city and a full embrace of my power. I was excited; imagine the feeling of being free, releasing fears of judgement, owning who I am and being okay with failure should it come about.

The Universe called me on it.

“Okay” she said, “you’ve declared to me that you’re ready to release judgment and fear.  I really really really want to believe you but I’m not sure you get what it actually takes to do that so……I’ll just give you this situation and see what you do with it”.

Last Wednesday I opened my computer to an email that would truly push me to my limits of comfort.

An incredible woman (I’ve just met her but love her Spirit already) explained that she worked for The Mental Health foundation and as such she was in charge of findings acts (yes I said acts) for a long standing event used to raise money and also remove the stigma around mental illness.

A Different Stage of Mind it’s called, all you need to do is fundraise $50,000 and then sing on stage.

Sing

Holy Hell I don’t sing.

Curate a wardrobe, write a solid contract, cook butter chicken in a hurry or drink a bottle of wine and still compose an email …get me to do one of those things please, I’ll totally help you out.

But sing? Raise $50,000?

My STRONG VOICE is what they need, she says.

Me. Strong.

And all of a sudden the timid little Maggie that used to hide under tables and refused to talk to any man, (sorry but Santa was scary with that beard) until I was 8 or 9 came out in full force.

I was her, she was me.

She must have confused me with another Maggie because I’m not strong, I’m just me.

We met up on Friday, the entire time I was nervous and sweating like that time I kissed David Stover under the bridge in grade 6.

I could think about it until Monday, they said. Don’t worry they’d help me with everything, give me a voice coach and fundraising co-ordinator.

Is this real?

My ego was screaming at me to run; it was a visceral feeling that had me in survival mode.

I’m going to fail. I’ll make a fool of myself. Don’t do it.

I was given an option of which path to follow; fall back into the life of the “pre-planned” expansion I’d charted out for 2019 or trust that the Universe was sending this opportunity to me in order to help others and push my limits on how far I could take myself.

You see, I have an anxiety disorder. This STRONG VOICE that was just asked to go on stage in front of the who’s who of Halifax missed over half of her high school years due to extreme anxiety.

This STRONG VOICE that was asked to get out there and raise enough awareness to fundraise $50,000 also struggled with an eating disorder until her mid 20’s.

Without even knowing it they picked the perfect person to help reduce stigma around mental health issues. Expansion and growth are a funny, they don’t come packaged the way we expect.

Madam Universe, you are one tricky lady.

Well, it’s now Monday. What was my decision?

Let me just say this, if you happen to be free March 15th and are looking for a good laugh do I have the spot for you…..

THE PROCESS OF PROGRESS

My constant reminder…

What is it about progress that makes us so incredibly scared?

What mechanism is built into us that has us fighting ourselves when we are making big leaps towards something new, THE UNKNOWN? Okay, I get it, we used to live in caves and had to run from wild animals and hunt for food and bla bla bla…

This is a different time where our intelligence and awareness are vaster than they’ve ever been.. and yet

Yet I currently sit here immersed in FEAR.

Months ago I decided to start something new, a marketing perspective that is the true embodiment of who I am. It is very different for the world of real estate, it’s edgy, current and reflective of who I am. I’ve spent months planning every aspect and I’ve been doing it with great passion and excitement. I can visualize the entire year and how it will all translate. I can see the relay of the message I want, I’m even okay with getting some haters, (as it’s different) and am at peace with that.

Then the first proof comes….an innocuous email that should have me giddy with excitement.

The advertising proof is flawless, gorgeous in fact. So why do I want to VOMIT everywhere?

All of a sudden, ever fear of judgment, every bit of self-doubt comes crashing into my head. “What the hell are you doing, people aren’t going to get it, you’re gonna get haters, this is a waste of money, this is so BOLD..are you ready for this”?

Where did this little voice come from? I thought I had this shit in check?

I knew what I was doing, I was focused. What happened?

This moment; this moment is what TRULY DEFINES ME. This is where I use my years of culminated courage, (courage acquired through many years of tough choices and painful experiences).

Even though I CAN’T FEEL that it’s the right choice to proceed (my mind is literally screaming to cancel the advert, doing everything it can to convince me) I remember the months of excitement creating this campaign.

I have to force myself to go over the awards and accolades I have won, the leap in success I have had, to remind myself that I must know what I’m doing.

THIS IS AN IMPORTANT EXERCISE, THE CALMING OF MY SOUL AND QUIETING OF MY EGO.

Once I’m convinced enough to go near my computer again and take a peek I quickly check for spelling mistakes, literally hold my breath and reply with an “approved”.

Fuckkkkkkkkkkkk what did I do? No, no it’s okay. I got this.

For the last 3 days I’ve been walking around a bundle of nerves and I will until January 7th, the day it’s unveiled and my campaign starts.

I will have to sit with this self-doubt until then and find a home for it. It’s refusing to go anywhere.

THIS IS THE PRACTISE OF PROGRESS.

We must give our fear a home but feed it as little as possible until it shrinks. It needs to be smaller than our sense of self. We will always have both, it’s the nature of human, but we get to choose which emotion we allow to grow.

Do not assume that because you are scared to do something it isn’t good for you, it’s the complete opposite. Great people are those that choose to hold their breath and do it anyway.

And the truth is, sometimes we will fail. We need to be honest with ourselves about that possibility. It will hurt and we will get just a little bit stronger because of it.

So if you see me over the next few weeks and I have that wild look in my eyes, that of a scared and cornered dog, just come give me a hug. I’m working through some stuff…..

What are you working through? What’s holding you back? I want to hear, I know I’m not alone.

The “OTHER” F word

Ever wonder what runs through the mind of someone that’s willing to take risks?

You see them confidently making big life choices, and catch glimpses of a fire in their eyes as they quickly and swiftly act.

I’m THAT person and every day I become more and more THAT person. As I grow I am getting bolder in my decisions and riskier in how I build my business.

How did I get to a place with no fear? How did I become so sure of myself that I am confident in my choices? What allows me to “know” the right next move.

Nothing.

I’m scared shitless 95% of the time.

Wanna know what my life feels like, almost all the time?

Okay, remember high school (I know I know, I really try not to unless absolutely necessary but go there with me this one time) and the eyes of judgement?

Did you ever go and do something crazy in high school, maybe go get a really wild hair cut? Do you remember the walk to school the next day, the fear you felt walking into that front door of class? How would everyone act?

Would they judge me? Would they get my “forward” thinking style? Would they appreciate and enjoy my individuality? Would they be cruel and harsh? Maybe I’m so insignificant that they don’t even noticed my wild haircut and if so is that worse than making fun of me?

Remember that feeling?

I do that to myself EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Why would I subject myself to what seems like a certain kind of Hell?  Because I’m choosing to follow the calling of my Soul.

MY PATH.

This calling, this path, is so easily ignored (insert all the ways we numb ourselves, there’s a ton and we select the ones that work best for us) yet it’s the only way this kooky world makes any sense.

It’s A LOT of work and growth and pain and failure AND joy and love and gratitude.

Your calling is gentle and quiet, it’s not loud. Nobody will make you do it; it will never happen unless you are willing. Willing to experience being uncomfortable again and again.

If the path to greatness were painless and easy it would have no meaning, we could never feel the great sense of achievement without the struggle.

If you want to find the path to your Soul purpose you must inject your Soul and passion into your every day. Experiment with life, take chances, take risks. Fail a lot.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS BEING FEARLESS, IT’S ALL ABOUT FEAR MANAGEMENT.

I’m a dreamer and as such I have 8 billion ideas a day. Some are brilliant and some are shitty (seriously what the hell was I thinking when I decided to buy a van a few years ago, do I LOOK like a van mom…that one cost me mega $$)? but I keep trying, over and over. I’ve come to be comfortable in my fear but it is ALWAYS there.

I’m always experimenting with new ideas at work and every time something is about to be rolled out I say, “I can’t do think, what the hell was I thinking” EVERY.TIME.

I allow that feeling to play out without ever giving in to it, I let it window shop in my mind and once it’s done it scurries back into the ethers of my ego.

Sometimes I fail and sometimes I succeed but I always grow and it’s COMPLETELY exhilarating.

Ladies, I’m writing the story of my life through the choices I make without completely knowing all the plot twists and ending- that is so fucking cool.

How fortunate am I to have this ability and I’m surly not going to waste it on a life of no risks.

 

I want to hear from you, are you walking through fear? How does it feel?

Are you holding yourself back? Why?

I believe that when we vocalize, or write our fears we expose them to reality and minimize their significance.  Let’s create a dialogue, tell me your thoughts…your fears. Add yourself to my mailing list, get updated, create a dialogue with me. Let’s do this.

 

I certainly don’t have all the answers in life but there is one thing I know for sure; If you’re not scared you’re not doing it right.

Real Talk

The eye catching photo was totally just to get your attention and has zero to do with the topic–gotcha!

Over these last few weeks we’ve become buddies, I trust you and know you won’t judge, (at least to my face and let’s be honest that’s all I care about) so I want to be real with you. I want to be so real that you leave this saying to yourself, “you know what, she’s just like me. If she’s just like me that means I can accomplish anything she’s doing”

THIS. IS. HARD.

Being that I have a love for marketing, writing and many creative pursuits you sometimes see a version of me that shows a woman easily and glamorously foraging ahead. This woman raises 3 kids, runs a thriving business and is always put together; she’s the rare person that can accomplish that.

No. Nope.

I struggle. I struggle every day and every morning I pick myself up and do it again. Some days I’m drained, some days I’m riding high on successes but mostly I crawl into bed at night wilted like a 2-week old flower bouquet.

How do I do this, what allows me to keep going?

What allows me to thrive amongst chaos, insurmountable responsibility, insane workload, late nights, early mornings, disappointment and dealing with all kinds of judgement and jealousy?

Faith. Faith in Maggie.

Years ago I decided that I was in complete control of the outcome of my life. Sounds easy doesn’t it? Hells no.

Wherever I end up is totally up to me, that means the good AND THE BAD are all on me. No blaming. No focusing on failures. No living in the past or the future. My next step is what will determine my next chapter. How I mentally frame my experiences also determine my next chapter.

Energy.

I choose the energy I put into anything and my reaction to life is the largest determinate of my success. I’ve decided the good days are there to experience joy and love and the bad days are there to experience growth, growth that will eventually lead me to further joy and love.

It’s really very simple when you think of it that way. No more “why me”, no more, “why can’t I catch a break”, these get replaced with and understanding of life leading me to where I need to be. I’m open. I trust.

And for the really, really hard days there’s wine…

 

So here are my questions for you to see where are you at in this mindset? This will help gauge how much work you may need to do to steer the rudders of your mind into the right direction.

Do you feel helpless?

Do you blame your past for your current?

Are you waiting for “something big” to happen to change your life and make you happy?

You likely know at least one overly positive person in your life. The last time you spent a few minutes with them did you walk away saying, “wow that was refreshing” or “wow that was annoying”?

Your answers will tell you a lot about what type of energy you are putting forth into this world of yours.

 

I’ve decided I’m going to be an open book, no more secrets, and I’d like you to be the same to me.

Let’s do this together.

Tell me your thoughts and your struggles and I’ll tell you mine….

 

**Side Note – I spent like 2 hours and half a bottle of wine figuring out how to add an email subscription link to this blog so for the love of god please add yourself to the list, don’t make all my late night work be in vain. xoxo

Life lessons from Cardi B

Ladies some days, some days are harddddddddd.

 

Single mom of 3 trying to keep my clients, employees, kids, mother, builders, bank account and Soul happy.

Some days I’m empty, void and needing to be filled up. Some days I’ve given so much of myself that my strength is gone. Like, I’ve literally given each person and encounter a little slice of my Spirit, my spark.

I leave an appointment, hop into my red leather office on wheels and I drive down the road…brain fried and needing something to give me strength.

I KNOW you know this feeling.  It may not be a builder or a wild 4-year-old (he legitimately ate the arms off his raincoat the other day because they were bothering him…but that’s a whole other post) but you are drained of your essence, your spark.

I know it.

What empties your cup and how do you fill it back up?

Well mine empties many times a day so I need a constant refuelling. How do I get massive surges of strength on the regular?

HARD CORE FEMALE GANGSTER RAP.

I’m dead serious.

Have you listened to those women? They don’t mess around; they know exactly who they are. What they want.

They clearly and boldly define their message.

I hop in the car and fly down the highway blaring a Soul expanding message; voice your wants, be clear in your needs, love your body, be confidant in who you are (because you’re fucking incredible) and if you don’t want to play by my rules you better get the hell out of the way ….

I AM STRENGTH EMBODIED, that’s what they say to me every time I flip that music on.

And it helps.

I get lifted by the voices of those with strength when I can’t feel it on my own.

I borrow from these women to remember who I am.

Now you don’t have to go and start listening to Melii or Cardi B talk about why they’re bad bitches, (and seriously they are a lot of personality and not for everyone) but I’ve discovered it works for me.

I found fuel for my strength. Where can you borrow?

Who exudes so much power that they can lend you some?

And please, if you have a day where you are overflowing, for the sake of all of us spread it around.

We women too often deplete ourselves and have no idea how we fuel up again.  Here’s a secret – it’s us, we strengthen each other.

Time to go…I have a date with Iggy, she’s about to explain the meaning of life.

Balance is Bullshit

Groceries are purchased, dinner made, all work tasks are complete, I just tucked the kids in and I’m on my way to hot yoga….

The fuck…?!

Not sure who owns that life but I can assure you it isn’t me.

Ladies, I battled this for years. I held guilt, I hid the dirty dishes and missed exercise but still proclaimed that I was striving for a “balanced life”, one where I understood that it was as equally important to self-care as it was to build business.

It’s time to spill my guts, to tell you the deep dark secret that many driven and passionate business women hold.

You won’t hear this in your yoga class or your psychologist’s office. You won’t hear your mother in-law or best friend tell you this but you WILL hear this from the tired, stressed out business women on the brink. You know the one, she has the constant eye twitch and is holding her 6th cup of coffee for the day. She talks incessantly about her accomplishments and the task she still has to complete for the day, she always seems a tad preoccupied, running her list of to-do’s around in her head like a treadmill (and yes I just basically described myself without meaning to ..I’m that chick).

BALANCE IS BULLSHIT.

Nope. There are no balanced scales in my life and I’m a Libra so I can only assume that all those other astro signs are totally doomed.

Do you want it? Do you want it soooo bad you can almost taste it? You can see it?

If this is where you answer no than your story takes a mad veer towards “get the hell out now” because passion is a requirement to achieve.

If you aren’t willing to give up almost everything to accomplish your goals than you likely won’t.

It’s actually pretty obvious. If it doesn’t consume you then it cannot transform your life, you won’t have given it the energy required to do so.

I’m at peace with the fact that I’m obsessed. This is me. I am driven and it consumes me and I was built this way so I may as well embrace it. I struggle with down time and kid time and alone time and gym time and cooking time and anything BUT work time.

I’ve finally let go of those final fragments of wishful thinking that I was grasping to for so long. The dreams of fresh laundry and floors that aren’t sticky and kids with perfect hair and healthy balanced dinner and and and and…

And I’m free

 

 

The Art of Faking It

STOP

OMG get your mind out of the gutter, what’s wrong with you, (just kidding I totally named it that so your mind would go to the gutter…I’m hilarious like that).

So you’ve started on the journey to becoming this real and raw Kinder egg toy and you are getting ready to dominate the world.

You step outside, ready to take over and…man it’s super tough out there in the world (almost as tough as my Thanksgiving Roast..but my cooking skills are a whole other post ).

It’s particularly painful when you are so raw, so vulnerable.

Do you change, do you revert back to you shell and harden yourself?

HELLS NO

You do what any great women with things to accomplish does, she fakes it.

I’m going to pass along a favourite recipe (thank lord it’s not for that roast because you would be highly disappointed)

 

Recipe for  False Confidence

 

  • 1 Power dress.
  • 1 Pair pointy heels.
  • A set of manicured nails.
  • Expensive jewelry (or your canal street specials, I’m not judging).
  • Walking around like the world is your personal runway (this is actually my fav).

Take all ingredients, mix together and apply liberally (load that shit on) and go conquer the world.

The Kinder Effect

Some of the best moments of my life were those times where I was curled up in a ball asking God why, the moments where life made no sense and I wasn’t sure if I could keep doing it, the moments that shattered my Soul.

Ahh the good ol’ days…

I have an analogy for you today and I’ve decided to use chocolate because…it’s fucking chocolate.

We are all KINDER EGGS

Mind blown, right?

You are likely saying, “did she take her meds today”? (no not yet) but by the end of this post you’re going to think I’m freaking brilliant or be highly amused.

I think we are all born into this world pretty awesome and knowing what we want and then – well it seems like everyone’s life is a drama series. Maybe the rich get Real Housewives and the poor get Maury but we are all battling someone, something or society and that fucks us up. Major.

So early on we protect our Soul, our sensitive self, with a layer of protection.

Milk chocolatey protection to be exact, (here comes the analogy train)

We have this amazing toy (Soul/sense of self/passion, call it what you will) hidden under all this chocolate (false self) and we have no idea what the treat in there looks like. We all want it, we crave it and know there is something there but damned that chocolate gets in the way, (and let’s be honest, it’s not even good chocolate, nasty ass milky sugar is all it is).

How do we get inside and reveal the prize?

We need to break the shell into a million little pieces.

We take something that looks so smooth and shiny and lovely and turn it into something ugly and broken in order to get to the better part inside…

Pain does this, pain washes away all barriers, all fears, and allows you to catch glimpses of the core of who you really are.

I have been through a boatload of strife, misery, trauma …all around shitty stuff, in my 38 years’ existence, (“Get in line bitch “I’m sure you’re thinking and you’re TOTALLY right) and with every major blow I got closer to my authentic self. The larger the trauma (the deeper the cracks in the chocolatey goodness) the closer I got.

Here’s the trick, you need to look at it as a gift and treat it as such. I decided long ago to look for the lesson in it all and to stop asking why.

No I’m not saying to be happy about the shitty stuff that’s happened but you CANNOT change it, so only a crazy person would try. And yet, our society is nuts because people don’t like to embrace their pain, their raw state.

Well, I opened my toy, it took many god awful horrid things to finally get all of my chocolate off and expose the toy but 3 years ago the last pieces were removed.

“Hooray” you say, “she opened up her toy and found bliss”.

That’s a big fat NO.

What happens when you open those little yellow fuckers’ up? You dump 10 pieces of who knows what in your lap, no idea what it actually is but you know once you put it together it’s gonna be awesome.

3 years ago I was humbled, I was raw and I was a puzzle ready to be put together. All I had was Faith in the process (tbh having to feed 3 kids helped a smidge with my motivation) and strong determination.

These days I have enough pieces together to get an idea of what my toy looks like but there’s still work to do.

That’s where you come in, you’re part of my toy.

Talking to you, lending you my strength, that’s my passion.

Okay, I’m out. This writing stuff is kinda exhausting and now I need to go buy chocolate (or wine…wine pairs well with spilling your Soul onto paper right)?

Girl throw on some heels, grab your favorite lipstick an come along for the ride, we have work to do….

What the hell have we been doing, how did we let it get this far? Lord knows I wish I had someone in my life many years ago to say to me what I’m about to say to you .

Here it is, are you ready?

You ARE enough.

Wait, here’s another one for you…

You can honest to God accomplish anything you are truly passionate about.

Wait, here’s the best one:

Fuck anyone who says you can’t.

Okay, that one was a little on the harsh side (cover your eyes kids) but I think it drives my message home. You are in the drivers’ seat, not only that but you get to make the rules. Just think how much fun life is once you truly realize that.

I’ve studied so many self help guru’s, leaders of industry and female entrepreneurs; from them I have learned so so much but I felt one element lacking – FIRE.

In 3 short years I’ve swiftly gone from the broken woman who showed up at my mothers apartment with my 3 kids and a blow up mattress to a strong confidant single mother and business owner, having built a highly successful all female Real Estate Team.

THIS did not happen without a whole lot of fire in my Soul.

This is a journal of my awakening process, how I regained my strength and feminine power.

So girl, throw on some Cardi B, grab a glass of red and get ready to strengthen your Soul….