Be careful what you ask for.
Can you practise what you preach when called on it?
A few months ago I sat at my home office, writing in the same law of attraction journal I’ve used to help me climb myself out of the vulnerable state I was in 4 years ago, (it’s a reallyyyyyyyyy big book) and I declared that I was done hiding.
It was time to embrace myself in all forms and let the world see my light. I wrote notions of bold marketing, social media pics where I show my strength, billboards displayed around the city and a full embrace of my power. I was excited; imagine the feeling of being free, releasing fears of judgement, owning who I am and being okay with failure should it come about.
The Universe called me on it.
“Okay” she said, “you’ve declared to me that you’re ready to release judgment and fear. I really really really want to believe you but I’m not sure you get what it actually takes to do that so……I’ll just give you this situation and see what you do with it”.
Last Wednesday I opened my computer to an email that would truly push me to my limits of comfort.
An incredible woman (I’ve just met her but love her Spirit already) explained that she worked for The Mental Health foundation and as such she was in charge of findings acts (yes I said acts) for a long standing event used to raise money and also remove the stigma around mental illness.
A Different Stage of Mind it’s called, all you need to do is fundraise $50,000 and then sing on stage.
Holy Hell I don’t sing.
Curate a wardrobe, write a solid contract, cook butter chicken in a hurry or drink a bottle of wine and still compose an email …get me to do one of those things please, I’ll totally help you out.
But sing? Raise $50,000?
My STRONG VOICE is what they need, she says.
And all of a sudden the timid little Maggie that used to hide under tables and refused to talk to any man, (sorry but Santa was scary with that beard) until I was 8 or 9 came out in full force.
I was her, she was me.
She must have confused me with another Maggie because I’m not strong, I’m just me.
We met up on Friday, the entire time I was nervous and sweating like that time I kissed David Stover under the bridge in grade 6.
I could think about it until Monday, they said. Don’t worry they’d help me with everything, give me a voice coach and fundraising co-ordinator.
Is this real?
My ego was screaming at me to run; it was a visceral feeling that had me in survival mode.
I’m going to fail. I’ll make a fool of myself. Don’t do it.
I was given an option of which path to follow; fall back into the life of the “pre-planned” expansion I’d charted out for 2019 or trust that the Universe was sending this opportunity to me in order to help others and push my limits on how far I could take myself.
You see, I have an anxiety disorder. This STRONG VOICE that was just asked to go on stage in front of the who’s who of Halifax missed over half of her high school years due to extreme anxiety.
This STRONG VOICE that was asked to get out there and raise enough awareness to fundraise $50,000 also struggled with an eating disorder until her mid 20’s.
Without even knowing it they picked the perfect person to help reduce stigma around mental health issues. Expansion and growth are a funny, they don’t come packaged the way we expect.
Madam Universe, you are one tricky lady.
Well, it’s now Monday. What was my decision?
Let me just say this, if you happen to be free March 15th and are looking for a good laugh do I have the spot for you…..